Post by Bedrockshetlands on May 21, 2007 9:54:59 GMT
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then
throws the milk away...
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and
the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has
dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads,
because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever
cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have
lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you
have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for
storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you
have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and execute the newsman
who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have
none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a
Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go
for a few beers to celebrate
And finally.....
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. The Government says you have to buy a license to milk
them, but first you have to do a risk assessment, which only the government
Quango is allowed to carry out. They charge you 5 times the cost of doing
it. They find that the three legged stool is a risk under health and
safety. You have to buy the EC approved 5 legged stool that is designed to
support a milk maid of up to 250 kilos. It is too heavy to carry. The stool
exceeds EC weight lifting limits for workers by 4 kilos, which just happens
to be the weight of the fifth leg. To shift the stool from one cow to the
other you therefore need a special (EC approved) trolley. The new stool and
trolley are so expensive that you have to mortgage one of the cows to pay
for them and pay for the mandatory training course you must take to get
your license to milk the cows. You sell your milk to the supermarket chain
that pays you f**k all
for it, and then they sell it to their customers for four times what they
paid you. Then they release a press statement about how wonderful they are
to support British Cows. The rest of the world thinks your cows are mad but
you and your cows know that it is not true and anyway the rest of the world
have no intention of identifying and counting their mad cows so people in
other countries don't know their cows are really, really barmy do they. You
sell your cows to a Polish itinerant worker and your farm to a Russian
'investment bank' and then you leave to buy a villa by the sea in a country
where it is sunny and the cost of milk is a tenth the cost of milk at home.
They don't have a National Health Service.......but you are so happy and
relaxed that your health improves and you live to be a hundred.
You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then
throws the milk away...
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and
the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has
dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads,
because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever
cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have
lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you
have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for
storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you
have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and execute the newsman
who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have
none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a
Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go
for a few beers to celebrate
And finally.....
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. The Government says you have to buy a license to milk
them, but first you have to do a risk assessment, which only the government
Quango is allowed to carry out. They charge you 5 times the cost of doing
it. They find that the three legged stool is a risk under health and
safety. You have to buy the EC approved 5 legged stool that is designed to
support a milk maid of up to 250 kilos. It is too heavy to carry. The stool
exceeds EC weight lifting limits for workers by 4 kilos, which just happens
to be the weight of the fifth leg. To shift the stool from one cow to the
other you therefore need a special (EC approved) trolley. The new stool and
trolley are so expensive that you have to mortgage one of the cows to pay
for them and pay for the mandatory training course you must take to get
your license to milk the cows. You sell your milk to the supermarket chain
that pays you f**k all
for it, and then they sell it to their customers for four times what they
paid you. Then they release a press statement about how wonderful they are
to support British Cows. The rest of the world thinks your cows are mad but
you and your cows know that it is not true and anyway the rest of the world
have no intention of identifying and counting their mad cows so people in
other countries don't know their cows are really, really barmy do they. You
sell your cows to a Polish itinerant worker and your farm to a Russian
'investment bank' and then you leave to buy a villa by the sea in a country
where it is sunny and the cost of milk is a tenth the cost of milk at home.
They don't have a National Health Service.......but you are so happy and
relaxed that your health improves and you live to be a hundred.