Post by Kath the Magic Dragon on May 11, 2010 19:41:53 GMT
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
>
>
>
>
> 1. If you are choking on an ice
> cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
> boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly
> removed.
>
>
>
> 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
> someone else to hold them while you chop away.
>
>
>
> 3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat by simply
> using the sink.
>
>
> 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
> few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a
> timer.
>
>
>
>
> 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
> rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
>
>
>
> 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will
> be afraid to cough.
>
>
>
>
> 7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget
> about the toothache.
>
>
>
> 8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You
> only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use
> the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
>
>
>
> 9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
>
>
>
> 10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
>
>
>
> 11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
>
>
>
>
> 12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when
> you might need them to empty your bedpan.
>
>
> IMPORTANT QUESTIONS:
>
>
> Why do
> we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
>
>
>
>
> Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
>
>
>
>
> Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
>
>
>
>
> Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
>
>
>
>
> Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
>
>
>
>
> Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
>
>
>
> Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
>
>
>
>
> Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
>
>
>
> Whose idea was it
> to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
>
>
>
> If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
>
>
>
> Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
>
>
>
>
> Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
>
>
>
> Why do people constantly return to the
> refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
>
>
>
>
> Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
>
>
>
>
> Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
>
>
>
> How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? ITC">
>
>
>
> When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
>
>
>
>
> Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
>
>
>
>
> In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
>
>
>
>
> How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
>
>
>
> And my FAVOURITE......
>
> The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
>
>
>
>
> 1. If you are choking on an ice
> cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
> boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly
> removed.
>
>
>
> 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
> someone else to hold them while you chop away.
>
>
>
> 3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat by simply
> using the sink.
>
>
> 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
> few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a
> timer.
>
>
>
>
> 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
> rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
>
>
>
> 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will
> be afraid to cough.
>
>
>
>
> 7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget
> about the toothache.
>
>
>
> 8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You
> only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use
> the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
>
>
>
> 9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
>
>
>
> 10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
>
>
>
> 11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
>
>
>
>
> 12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when
> you might need them to empty your bedpan.
>
>
> IMPORTANT QUESTIONS:
>
>
> Why do
> we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
>
>
>
>
> Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
>
>
>
>
> Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
>
>
>
>
> Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
>
>
>
>
> Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
>
>
>
>
> Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
>
>
>
> Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
>
>
>
>
> Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
>
>
>
> Whose idea was it
> to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
>
>
>
> If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
>
>
>
> Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
>
>
>
>
> Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
>
>
>
> Why do people constantly return to the
> refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
>
>
>
>
> Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
>
>
>
>
> Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
>
>
>
> How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? ITC">
>
>
>
> When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
>
>
>
>
> Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
>
>
>
>
> In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
>
>
>
>
> How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
>
>
>
> And my FAVOURITE......
>
> The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
at last a smile on my face lol 
